Bandle City Mothership Dispenses Fossilized Cupcake
Yordle scientists are studying the fossilized remains of what has been determined to be a cupcake recovered from the famed “Mothership” of Bandle City. Beardly Kittle, a local tinkerer, made the discovery over the weekend when he fell from unstable scaffolding.
“I’m lucky I had my safety line!” Kittle said in a press conference on Sunday afternoon. “The walkway just fell away beneath me. I must’ve fallen at least fifteen feet before my line ended and I crashed into the side of the ship. When I came to, there was a loose panel with some lights flashing inside. I reached in to see if I could feel what it was. Just then, I heard a ‘ding!’ and a stone fell into my hand!”
Other witnesses claimed to see lights flashing across the ship for a few seconds just after Kittle had fallen earlier that morning. A large crowd gathered almost instantly after the event, but it was several hours before an agreement could be reached on how to get him down.
Bandle City Mayor Dennison Jadefellow authorized a scientific study for both the stone in Kittle’s possession and the Mothership itself. The Journal of Justice was able to gain an exclusive analysis of the results.
“The ‘stone’ specimen is, in fact, a petrified cupcake,” says lead scientist Margie Grunbean. “As you can see, it has a porous cake layer
covered by a hardened shell of frosting, and a rock-solid cherry attached at its top. It certainly isn’t edible now. I can only guess what sorts of preservatives they must have put in the thing to make it do this.”
When asked about the Mothership, Grunbean was less conclusive: “I haven’t the faintest idea of how it happened. We even tried stringing someone up there to do the same thing that Kittle did. Poor Smeed is bruised to high heaven after bashing himself into the side of it all afternoon—and nothing happened! We are continuing to investigate, but so far it doesn’t look like the Mothership will be turning on anytime soon.”
The Bandle City Mothership, a hulking, unfinished rocket ship that sits above the city center, is a cultural icon for Yordles across Runeterra. There are no records that say where it came from, but oral histories declare that it was there before the first Yordles came to settle the Ruddynip Valley (where modern day Bandle City is now located). Yordle society is unified around the concept of “getting it ready,” or restoring the dilapidated structure as a symbol of cooperation. Unfortunately, actual cooperation ends with a hodgepodge of several unfinished projects littering the site, and ongoing debate over what should be done next.
The discovery has awakened unified celebration in Bandle City for the time being, however, with Mayor Jadefellow declaring a city-state holiday on Friday.
Local civic groups are being asked prepare a parade in honor of Kittle and his cupcake.